Viseslav a.k.a "Willy" Djordjevic

On Our Tombstone:

I Thought of You With Love Today But That is Nothing New

I Thought About You Yesterday And Days Before That Too,

I Think Of You In Silence I Often Speak Your Name

All I Have Are Memories And Your Picture In A Frame

Your Memory Is My Keepsake With Which I'll Never Part

God Has You In His Keeping I Have You In My Heart

Ten years ago you made a tape for me and mom.  It had a special song that touched your heart and you wanted to share it.  I remember listening to it with you, standing in our old kitchen on Belmont.  The song was poignant, for many reasons, and appropriate at the time.  It expressed your love for all of us, your regrets for certain things and your desire to be with your family. 

Ironically, that tape has been floating around my house for 10 years. It has followed me through five moves and somehow managed to stay intact and unlost (a fate that is remarkable by itself!)  Two days ago, I believe that you helped me find it. No, you actually lead me directly to it, to the exact location where it has remained dormant for all these years.  I can only assume that it was meant to be heard, that the same sentiments that applied ten years ago continue to apply today. 

 I know that you miss us as we miss you.  How do you continue to be a family without that one person that is such an intricate part of the chain? How do you go on, make memories and live, without that special family member that was  so important to the fabric of your family?  Somehow you do. It is a struggle.  Life does go on and I know that you would want us to live it, remembering you, talking about you, cherishing you.  I can only hope and pray that you will feel our love and somehow still "be" with us, in the spiritual sense, until we all meet again.  Afterall, we are still family; that will never change.

Here is the translated (from Serbian) version of the song you shared with us all those years ago.  I don't know if you ever envisioned that it would make so much sense to us on today, Sunday, the six month memorial service of your passing:

"What should I tell my father when he asks me...where am I, with whom am I, how am I, what am I doing? What should I say? Should I lie so that I don't sadden him, that I don't bring him pain?

What should I tell my mother when she asks me....to call, to come to her home...what should I say?  Should I lie so that I don't sadden her, that I don't bring her more pain?

Today is Sunday and you are all there...everything reminds me of happiness...Today is Sunday, but no more will I be able to hug you.....

Today is Sunday, you are all there....but I'm not there with you....I went very far away, on a road without return....your son is preparing to go."

I pray that your journey is peaceful, that you continue to feel the love and warmth of your family.  Although you are not here to share it with us in the physical sense, you live in our hearts, our thoughts and our prayers.  We love you....be at peace.

Voli te uvek tvoja sestra...

My 10 Years with Vish

  Unfortunately, Willy and I were only able to spend 10 years of our lives together, before his ended so abruptly and tragically on May 14, 2007. It is better to have loved and lost then never loved at all is a saying I never thought I would have to accept at the age of 30.

  Willy, whom I often called Vish was different than anyone I had ever met. We would have been married 3 years on June 5, 2007. It is hard for me to accept Willy was taken from me, his family and friends at such a young age. He had so many plans for the future, so many interests, ideas. I used to tell him he was as close to perfect as humanly possible. Yes, I didn't like that he was a smoker or was late for everything, or had too many projects started, but even though those things drove me crazy at times, I used to say that I was lucky that was all I had to complain about. Willy taught me so many things in all aspects of life. I remember having a conversation with a a friend a couple of years ago and saying that Willy made me a better person, which is the honest truth. Willy was such a loving selfless person. He had a huge heart and was there for anyone and everyone at any time he was needed. He accomplished more in his 31 years of life than some ever will in a life time. He loved life and he was either working hard or having fun. He always made time for the enormous circle of friends he had and was the life of the party. He lived life on the edge, thoroughly enjoying fast cars and off road vehicles. He was daring and adventureous, but still maintained a sense of caution. We did a lot of different things in life together and had a lot of fun. I feel fortunate to have had him in my life and to have met his family and friends.

  I guess there is apparently a reason for everything and each one of us are part of some bigger plan. Thinking back, it is ironic some of the things that took place before Willy's death. He had said at his 31st birthday party at his parent's house that he didn't want any more birthdays. A few months later I came home from work and he said "you know, if I die, you you have no idea were I keep things in the garage." Then he proceeded to give me a "tour" of where and how he kept things. Further back he used to tell me that he wanted to die before me because he wouldn't be able to deal with the pain of me leaving him. I never got pregnant, he never got his wedding band sized...So many things I can think of that just fall into place why things did or didn't turn out the way we wanted them too. There will never be another "Willy." I will never be the same person and I wish I could have my "old" life back. 

     I kept thinking if I search hard enough, I could find -there had to be a way- for Willy to come back, because his death was just too horrible to be real. But, it is real and it hurts so terribly I can't even put it into words. I know Willy would want me, his family, and friends to be happy, to live and love life just as he did. He would want us to move forward, laugh and tell stories of all of the crazy things he did. I don't know why this happened. It is beyond unfair. All I can do is get through each day and hope he gives me the strength to keep moving forward until we meet again.

      Life is short, too short for many. Losing Willy has reinforced that statement. I think Willy lived his life the right way. He didn't hold back with work or fun. I really feel he lived each day to its fullest, each day like it could be his last. I will always remember the things he taught me, the fun times we had and the love he gave me. He will always be in my heart and never be forgotten or replaced. I know he is in a better place, a place so wonderful it is so hard for us to imagine. Somehow, I hope his strength carries me through my life and he guides me to make good decisions. Instead of always being a little on the cautious side of life, I hope to live life a little more freely and live each day like it was my last.

It's Halloween today and I keep remembering about how much you got into it.....like when you dressed up in my cheerleading outfit in middle school, (I can't believe it fit you!) Or, my favorite, when we went as Pulp Fiction, you, me and Chuck.  You made such a great Samual Jackson that mom didn't even recognize you in the picture and my roommate mistook you for a black man!  That was an awesome costume. I remember putting the make-up on your hands to make them look more real and teasing the afro wig you wore.  What a great time.

Seeing the girls trick-or-treating made me remember when we used to wait for Dad to get home from work and we'd go with the neighbors, usually Rade and Radmila.  We'd zip all over the neighborhood, getting as much candy as we could and then go home and dump it all on the kitchen table.

I remember pumpkin carving with Dad, who had to be so precise with the measurements, making us so anxious because we just wanted to finish it.  We'd scoop out all of the pumpkin insides and Mom would roast the seeds. 
Our pumpkins always looked a little goofy, but those are fun memories to have.

I wonder what what you would have been this year?  I'm sure something creative and fun.  Hope you were able to join us in spirit......

Today during Slava, we were all talking and got on the topic of video games.  Remember how we used to play Pacman and Frogger when we were little.  We used to go to R-Way and saved our quarters all week to play the video games.  You would play until mom would make you go roller skate.  She wouldn't let us have video games at home, but we could play over there.  The good old R-Way days!

Remember when we got our speed skates?  We thought we were so cool!  We would change out our wheels and get the ones that would make the skates go faster?  It had something to do with the ball bearings, I think.  You would know.  Remember how they had the speed skating songs, and we would zip around and then meet mom in the snack bar?

Then when we got a little older we would go on the Go-Karts.  I remember how you would take those curves, zipping around the track, even crashing into the tires stacked on the side.  It seemed like they let us ride around the track forever. 

Ahh, those were the simple and innocent days, ones that I will keep close to my heart always.

How do you put in writing 31 years of memories?  It's virtually impossible, but I'll try, for it is the special memories that keep me close to you.  Today is the day before Slava and I think back to all the other Slava's we celebrated.   You will be very missed tomorrow, but in my heart, I know that you will be looking down upon us. 

Today is also Grandma's birthday.  She always seemed so small when you hugged her.  I see the two of you in my mind's eye, you with your arm around her, big and strong, and little grandma, so full of love, looking up at you, telling stories of Deda Bora. 

Watch over her, will you. 

Who was Viseslav Djordjevic?

   He was so much to so many......never to be replaced.......

        Viseslav (known as 'Buca' to his family and 'Willy' to his friends) was a very big guy (literally...6'2" and 200 plus pounds!)  who had a very big heart that he shared with many different people.

      His touched the lives of people of all walks of life....whether it was his best buddies from childhood, his precious wife Tracy (his sweetheart of 10 ten years), his parents (who adored and cherished him), his sister (who loved his sense of humor and rock-solid presence), his co-workers (who appreciated the hard work and dedication he brought to the job) and the many other friends and acquaintances who were touched by his kindness. He was full of life and he loved people. He was a "jack of all trades" who was gifted as a craftsman, a carpenter and a master mechanic.